Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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