would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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