Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
