I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
