Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
