Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
