Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
