In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Randomize
