my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize