If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i now understand why vodka
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize