Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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