the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
