I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
