i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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