I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
