I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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