I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
