I just cut my nipple shaving
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
