You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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