my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You need Xanax blowdarts
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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