How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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