These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
