ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
