wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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