"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
