I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
