The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
