does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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