Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
