i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
