My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Success! We fucked roommates!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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