sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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