Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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