This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There r osticjed everywhere
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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