That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize