you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You did what with his pubic hair?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
