Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
