is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
