Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
