I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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