Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
