yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
