Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
