He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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