i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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