apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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