My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
