Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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