I heard we made out
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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