was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
