I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
