I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My breasts were aching with rage.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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