I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Im part way to drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
