Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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