Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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