I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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