I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
