so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
