I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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