think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
