do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
