dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you would pick up someone in the library
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
