Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
