NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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