Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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