How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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