She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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