I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
