were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
