I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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