Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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