TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
