im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
