I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
