she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
