For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
