I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
