your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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