I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize