Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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