meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Boobs are out for the taking
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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