My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she told me i tasted like america
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
