it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
