Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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