Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
