I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
