I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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