I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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