she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
