You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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