My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
