Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize