I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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