I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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