im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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