i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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