Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
