apparently the secret to your success is patron
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
