This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
