I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize